I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
