THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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