All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
