apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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