He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
they need to just BURY HIM!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
