Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
