i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You ate ashes out of my bong
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
