He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
