Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
