I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
