planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
