I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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