people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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