So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
