I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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