I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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