I just gift wrapped bread.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
