yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
