Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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