Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
