Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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