as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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