my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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