im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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