so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
