The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
