the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
