I wish I could teleport
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
