On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You ruined the universe
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
