Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
