Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
