you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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