Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
