babies were throwing up all over the place
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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