i just sent this text using only my big toe
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
