Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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