just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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