My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
