will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
