Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
