3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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