what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
