im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Semen is not good for contacts.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
