Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
