my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
