of course. lets lasso hookers.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
