the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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