I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
