Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
