All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
